Journal #23: What happens in every run at Tennis practice (Stream of Consciousness)

Final stretch! Vision wavering, breath too short, cannot fall behind lead. I didn't know the sidewalk had so many bumps. Must not think about cramps, too late. How much farther? the courts are in sight! Its too far away, crud, another one passed me. Have to focus, one leg right after the other: Left, right, left, right. Must keep a stable breath, do I sound too loud? Woops, almost tripped, I bet it hurts a lot if I trip on the pavement-nope, gotta stop thinking that, got to focus on making it to the courts in one piece. Another one has passed me, My gut hurts beyond anything I have ever felt before. I knew I should have stretched before I ran, no my body is literally killing for that mistake. Or maybe it was that snack before I came here, but it was so good! Gotta stop thinking about food, not helping my gut. I'm so close now, I've reached the parking lot! Gotta lean forward a little, See if I can close the gap between me and 3 of my teammates up ahead. Woah, almost tripped again! So close now, got to avoid that car. Vision blurry, gut is aching, legs, so stiff, can't stop gravity from pulling me into the ground. I made it!

Journal Entry #22: Henry's Conflict

As I read the afterward by Joe Haldeman, on The Red Badge of Courage, I was provided with a unique insight on his idea of the plot and character development of Henry. He states that the plot of The Red Badge of Courage is simplified, but doesn’t criticize it, pointing out, that the plot is not the sole literary device that determines a good story as shown as he writes, “A strong plot is not necessarily a virtue”(156). I agree with Haldeman’s statement, the plot is simple; Henry is a soldier fighting in the Union Army in the Civil War as he copes with the realities of War and becomes a man, the plot is as simple as that, but a closer examination beyond the plot shows that the book is immensely more complex than. Haldman also talks about the prevalent use of irony in the book, something that I noticed, but to the extent that he points out. The use of Irony can be seen when Henry gets a wound from the butt of a rifle by a fleeing Union Soldier, fellow soldiers see the wound as a battle wound and show respect to Henry, who secretly reviles under the guilt of the truth. This is a significant example of irony used by Crane, to create an ironic tone to the Civil War Battles, which were previously romanticized by previous Civil war Novels as stated by Haldeman. Joe Haldeman’s criticism and analysis of The Red Badge of Courage startled me at first, but his statements make a logical analysis and review of the book ultimately make me agree with his analysis.

Of the two statements provided by Haldeman, I agree more with the second statement: that as Henry deals with his external conflict(the Civil War), he resolves his internal conflict that has plagued him and reveals his inflated pride. His internal conflict, his struggle over his own act cowardice, is not solved until the end of the story, where his external battles have been won, which lets him come to terms and accepting his previous, romantic behavior, “He found that he could look back upon the brass and bombast of his earlier gospels and see them truly. He was gleeful when he discovered that he now despised them”(154). Henry looks back at his previous behavior and his romanticized view of war with a slight disgust after seeing the error behind his ways. This was only possible if he actually saw the true light of war in battle therefore showing how Henry’s external conflict resolved his internal conflict.

Do we really control our lives? Every decision from our own and not by the people around us?Its a scary thought, to have all of one's decisions come from everyone else but themselves. Fate does control parts of our lives. As seen with our life lessons taught by our parents, I'm sure many of us still follow that advice, if not have our lives based around them. Death is another thing in fate we cannot control, a we know that no matter what we do, life ends in one way or another, its the final dimension in our lives that we cannot control. Other pieces of fate :where we are born, our parents, associates, and other things dictate much of our decisions. Sometimes what comes to us is what makes who we reshapes us to make certain decisions in life.

However, we are not slaves our fate, many aspects, personal aspects of our lives is still under our dictation. Early on, one is heavily influenced by others, but as you get older, you are less influenced by others and start listening to the voices in your head. Even influences, they remain influences, not dictators to your thoughts. We all have interests that we ourselves have, not by others, this is another part thats unique to one's self. Free will is not dead, but combined with Fate, instead of one remaining dominant over another, they both mix with their own influences on our decisions and lives.